I recently moved with my family about 500 miles away from the home where we lived the past twenty or so years. It was a terribly difficult decision to make that involved a lot of tears, anxiety, anger, fear, and, I must admit, hope. We left a place with a million meaningful memories that grew me into the person I am today. Some of those memories are awful and and left deep battle scars. Some are the most wonderful things I can imagine that are completely irreplaceable and bring a bring a sensation of joy and relief by their very thought. As you can imagine, there is then everything in between.
We could have stayed where we were I suppose. It would have been a very difficult life for us. The job opportunities we needed just weren’t coming through. But it would have certainly been easier on me emotionally…at least for a while.
Doors opened in other places-places 500 miles and more away from where my heart was attached to so many other hearts. A difficult decision had to be made. I have felt a bit like a traitor coming to this event. Maybe I gave up too soon. I let money buy me out. Everyone says follow your dream but my dream became a crumbling mountain that was eroding. I caved in and I accepted another plan.
Along the way, to make sure what we were doing was right, I opened my heart to God and I prayed that He would lead me and my family to a place of His will. I prayed He would help us overcome our financial stress. I prayed for opportunities to strengthen my family. I asked for a direction that would help my family and maybe help others somehow. I prayed all that through tears of hope that maybe that opportunity would be right where we were. It wasn’t.
So many “yeses” paved the way to where we are today at this moment. It is the right place for us to be right now. Our lives will be improved because we are here. I don’t know what God has in store, but there were just too many signs that indicated this was the right thing to do.
My heart is still broken. God didn’t take that from me. He’s allowed my heart to be broken many times. Those are the times when I come to Him as a tender child that needs to rely on someone greater than me- even greater than the people I’m surrounded by. God holds my heart in His hands and He fits the pieces back together. He fills it with more love, more faith, more caring, more joy, more peace, more blessings. As with anything broken, it takes time for it to fully heal- to be fully engaged and ready to work at capacity. That requires we lean on our Maker knowing He will get us to that point at the right time.
I completely trust being 500 miles from so much that I love and miss is God’s plan. I am taking a giant leap of faith, but I am certain I will land on firm ground. Trusting and leaping does not make the pain less at the moment. It does help me wake each day and say, I’m here for a reason. Maybe today is the day I’ll begin to realize His dream instead of my own. Maybe today is the day I’m less self-focused and I can see more clearly the opportunities around me.
Jeremiah 29:11 from The Message
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.