Having just come off a week that rated high on the emotion scale I was angling to get back to the reality of my basic life. I’ve just returned from a trip to see family and friends that I left a few months back in pursuit of a new job opportunity with my family.
As I meandered through my lengthy list of in box messages I came to this video that a dear friend sent me shortly after I moved. It was one I hadn’t opened for some reason. It’s bold subject title was jumping off the page surrounded by a sea of previously read messages that I like to keep close at hand. I don’t file them so I have immediate access.
I suppose that might explain why I sometimes miss the pearls, like this one. Maybe the message was deliberately hidden from my view until just the appropriate time, and that time is now. Amy Grant is singing right to me. Her words poured right into my heart with a message as clear as a fresh spring.
Don’t try so hard- you’re lovely even with your scars. This was a week where I felt the source pains that had been covered over by the toughness of years of scars tissue. Going back to a place that I loved so much to people I care for so dearly brought back memories, both good and bad.
I was trying so hard- on many fronts. I couldn’t savor the beautiful time I shared with so many dear people because I was trying so hard. I would love a “do-over”. It won’t happen. I lost hours that are so precious. I was focused on too many things that took away from the blessings of being present.
So this song and its words are pressing against me in hopes that I will learn something. I tried too hard…to measure up, to do it all, to be a great daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, friend, listener, jokester, consoler, counselor…I grabbed for it all and I ended up empty. I tried so hard. I couldn’t be the person I’m designed to be.
Part of trying so hard was due to my emphasis on the causes of my scars. They must have been bulging. I forgot that underneath those scars is newness, protected goodness that resides within.
It takes a lot to admit that God created me, loves me, wanted me, gave me a purpose and family and friends. I am to be here. I partner with others to be a voice in the chorus. I’m lovely even with my scars to Him who matters most.
So tonight I need to spend this time with myself reorganizing my plans- not trying so hard to measure up. I am lovely even with my scars and so are you.